A little girl was crying her lungs out as she held her bleeding knee with her hand. Her palms were scratched too and it stung whenever she tried to open them.

A scrawny teenage boy ran out of the house towards the lawn.
He found her on the grass, her hairs were diheaveled and the new frock she was wearing today, was now stained with dirt.

"Zarim bhaii" her lips trembled as she stretched her hands towards him.

Zarim stepped towards her and crouched down. "Kya hua Noorie?" He asked as he wiped her tears.

"Mai jhule....se...se..gir gyi" she said as more tears fell down from her eyes.

"Acha mujhe dikhao" he inspected her knee carefully. "Abhi mai isspe diwai lagaunga toh ye jaldi se thik ho jayega" he said.

She have stopped crying now, as she looked at him with her big doe eyes. "Sach mai?" She asked her voice scratchy from crying.
"Sach mai" he assured her.

A tear slipped down her eyes as she wiped it quickly. She looked stunned, because she didn't even realised when that memory played before her eyes.

Why that memory played before her eyes?

She was seven, she clearly remembered when she was riding the swing Nafis tied on the old tree for kids.
She was going too high and then she suddenly fell.

Her mother had gone to some relatives house with other ladies. But then Zarim came and helped her. He cleaned her wound and put a band aid on it.

Now that same memory seemed like a cruel joke to her, like a salt to her wound.

Zarim she knew and adored in her childhood was long gone. It happened when Nafis Pasha passed away in a car accident.

It began with rage. The day of Nafis Pasha's funneral when she when to comfort him, he shouted at her so loud, that it rattled her completly. Shahna did scolded her greiving son, but deep down Mahnoor knew things would never be the same.

Then came ignorance, when she visited Pasha Haveli with her mother after it, she was nine years old. And she was gullible, she thought he would play with her or they would watch funny muppet show on the tv. But it wasn't like that.

Back then, Mahnoor didn't understand that grief could change a person. She only knew that Zarim was upset and that upset people eventually became happy again. That was how it worked.

But real life was different. When she found him that day, he looked different, thinner and older somehow. He wasn't shouting like the last time she met him, but he didn't looked happier either.

He looked detached, like he was there but not at the same time. It broke her heart, now she look back and think, maybe before becoming her first love, Zarim was her first heartbreak.

Losing Zarim didn't happen all at once. It happened slowly.

Piece by piece.

Year after year.

The boy who once warm, who laughed so freely was gone.

And Mahnoor witnessed every bit of it.

At ten, she stopped asking him to play.

At eleven, she stopped bringing him candies.

At twelve, she stopped expecting him to smile.

But she never stopped looking for traces of the old Zarim. Every now and then she would catch a glimpse of him. Those moments were brief. Gone before she could reach them. Like sunlight slipping through clouds.

And perhaps that was why she kept holding on.

Because every time she convinced herself that the Zarim from her childhood was gone forever, he would appear for a second. Just a second.

Long enough to remind her that he still existed somewhere beneath all that anger and silence.

Long enough to make her stay.

Long enough to break her heart all over again.

⋆‧°𓏲ּ𝄢

Today was the last day of her 2nd semester and exams were beginning from next week. And Mahnoor was dreading the thought of staying at home till then.

It was two weeks ago when Halima Begum proposed the idea of Farha and Zarim's marriage. And since then Pasha haveli didn't slept. Everyone was busy in the preparation for the arrival of Tahir and his family. And for Mahnoor it felt like someone was strangling her slowly, minute by minute, second by second as time inched closer.

Mahnoor was walking to the gate of her university. It was already getting late as sun dipped low, just then someone called out to her.

"Mahnoor!!" he shouted.

Mahnoor turned back, only to see Shahrukh jogging towards her.

"Assalamwalekum" he wished

"Walekumaslam" she said back.

"Aaj kl aap dikhti nhi hai" he said as he dipped his hands in his pockets.

"Ha bss padhai mai mashroof rheti hu, aap btaye aunty ki tabiyat ab kaisi hai" she asked.

"Thik hai, doctor ke chakar toh lagana padta hai. Kisi din Eda ke saath aa jana unse milne, bhot yaad krti hai wo tumhe"

"Zarror aaungi" she answered and then turned back after waving him goodbye.

Why she can't never ask how he is?, he thought

He watched her disappear through the university gate before releasing a long sigh. Every conversation with Mahnoor somehow left him wanting more.

The funny thing was, none of this was her fault. Mahnoor had never given him false hope. If anything, she treated him exactly how she treated everyone else.

With kindness and respect and a distance she didn't even realize existed.

A bitter smile tugged at his lips as he walked back.

When she stepped inside her home, Fatima was busy talking to someone over the phone.

"Ji bhabhi saare intezmaat ho chuke hai. Ab aap fikr na kre" she said.

Mahnoor walked over to the kitchen to grab herself a glass of water.

"Mahnoor"

"Woh toh bss abhi aayi hai"

"Aapke pass bhej du. Acha thik hai" with that she ended the call.

"Mahnoor tumhari Mami tumhe bula rhi hai jao" Fatima said to her daughter who was looking for some snacks in the fridge.

She stiffened slightly. "Kyu Laiba api nhi hai kya?" She asked.

"Hai woh bhi waha haat btta rhi hai. Jao thodi mami ki madad kr aao, tumne toh jaise unke waha jana he chorrd diya hai." Fatima said concern written over her face.

She glanced at her watch. It was six in the afternoon, Zarim won't be there. And she would comeback before he return back.

"Ja rhi hu" mahnoor said as she kept the glass on the table.

She climbed up the stairs to Shahna's house, lost in her thoughts when she collided with someone hard. She fell backward only for someone to pull her up. Her eyes squeezed shut as her face smacked against his chest.

Her specs hit the floor with a thwack!.

When she opened them, she saw his brown orbs boring into her.

She stepped back immediately and crouched down to pick up her glasses. The lens was cracked, she cursed internally, before standing up. And Zarim still stood there, his eyes fixed on the cut on her ankle.

When she passed by him without any word, his voice stopped her.

"Tumhare pair se khoon nikal raha hai."

The irony almost made her laugh.

"It's none of your business" She inhaled sharply and continued toward Shahna's house, leaving behind Zarim who stood there for a moment.

The sound of laughter greeted her before she even entered. Laiba was sitting on the floor amidst opened boxes while Shahna supervised the decorations.

"Arey meri bacchi aa gayi!" Shahna smiled.

Mahnoor forced one back.

"Assalamwalekum."

"Walekumaslam."

"Jao pehle kuch kha lo phir kaam mai haath bata dena," Shahna instructed.

Mahnoor nodded and moved further inside.

Everywhere she looked there were signs of preparation. Fresh flowers, Gift boxes, Stacks of clothes, jewelry catalogues, Lists, Decor samples.

Her stomach twisted. She hated herself for it. Yet every flower being arranged felt like another nail being hammered into her chest.

"Mahnoor?" Laiba's voice pulled her back.

"Hmm?"

"Yeh ribbon pakdo."

She accepted it absentmindedly.

A thought crossed Mahnoor's mind. A frightening one.

Maybe she had spent years mourning the wrong thing.

Maybe the old Zarim wasn't buried beneath the silence.

Maybe he was actually gone.

And she had simply been too afraid to admit it.

The thought left her strangely hollow.

Because if that was true...

Then what exactly had she been holding onto all these years?